Zermatt: Musings of A Man, On Being A Man

Its a tough world out there for kids. Even as times have changed, things have remained the same. I remember when I was a kid, it was quite fashionable to be cruel. To be cruel was to "be a man". One of the bullies in the class took particular pleasure at hurting small animals. He would throw stones at stray dogs, and hit little birds with catapult. Although I used to feel really bad for the animals, I found the boy very fascinating and me and my friends thought of him as the “tough” kid, the “real man” among us!

In contrast, I was often derided as a weakling because I could not stand hurting animals and other kids. I envied that boy because every one feared him, and he seemed to rule over all of us! Perhaps, I used to think, this is what being "tough" means, and so among my friends it became an acceptable notion that to be "tough" one had to inflict cruelty on animals. So started this brief phase when we the “weak” kids would rival each other at throwing stones at small animals or birds. Fortunately, the birds and animals were far swifter than our stones, and our throws often succeeded in raising laughter than howls of pain. Of course I know now that cruelty is no way to define oneself. But no one ever talked to me about it when I was a boy.

So why should we teach our boys about being kind? We should because we know that it is indeed kindness that defines a “man”, and cruelty is just a sign of internal insecurities, insecurities that will probably eat at the individual for the rest of their lives. Kindness is important because it takes more to be kind than to be cruel. To be "Kind" is to be "Considerate". To be "Considerate" is to think of "others" before oneself. To think of "others" is to be "Selfless". And it is the "Selflessness", among other virtues, that is the most noble quality of a "Man".

"Kindness" doesn't come easy to us Men. Right from childhood we are trained to believe that might is right. Our toys are guns and swords and we get an adrenalin rush out of watching fight movies, playing fight and gory video games. Our role models are those that kill and pillage. On the other hand, tenderness and kindness is frowned upon. “Sissy”, “Girly” are the labels associated with kindness.

Yet tenderness when combined with bravery and valor can be extremely interesting and intoxicating. And this is what our boys need to know. We need to find new rolemodels for our boys to teach them the value of kindness. Old rolemodels like the story of Robinhood combines both valor and kindness to poor very well, as do some of our comic book heroes such as Batman and Spiderman. However in most cases it is their physical prowess and ability to kill is what is impresses kids, not their kindness of the character. We as parents need to remind our children that it is their Kindness that makes these characters so interesting. Take their kindness out of them, and they are nothing but thugs and goons.

It is also our job as parents to emulate this behavior through our own example. Kindness to a stranger in the form of a kind word or a kind gesture should be a part of our daily life, not just left to Thanksgiving and Chirstmas.

All of us need to buy a shirt from time to time. Most of us end up buying a ready made shirt because tailored shirts are not easily available, and tend to be expensive. Regardless, even when you buy a ready made shirt there are several things to consider.

First, what is your size. Size in ready made shirts is indicated in collar size and sleeve length.

Collar size: Have you measured your collar size recently? If you think, “Oh I wear size 16, so let me buy size 16”, you are wrong. If you a youngster in mid twenties, then you may be OK to make this generalization, but if you are a middle aged person like me, let me tell you, our collar size changes more frequently than you would believe! Neck region tends to accumulate fat more quickly along with the abdomen. And it doesn't take much time to measure the collar size, so before you buy a shirt always measure your collar size. The tragic thing is, many a ready made shops do not train the sales people on how to take measurements. In taking the collar measurement, measure at the base of the neck where the collar will sit. And when the tape is wrapped around the neck, its important to put one finger under the tape before taking the measurement. This is to ensure that the collar isn't too tight if you put a tie on. A tie tends to put some pressure on the collar and its better to have some “give” in the collar for that reason.

If the measurement is 16.25 inches, unfortunately you will have to go with a 16.5 size collar because ready made shirts do not come in 0.25 inch size graduations. And that 0.25 inch difference can make all the difference between a good look and a bad look. This is when you should consider going with a tailored shirt which will give you the best look and feel.

Sleeve Length: Let me ask you a question. What is your left sleeve length? And the right sleeve length? If you are not sure, measure it! And take caution to measure the sleeve length from the shoulder joint to half way between the wrist and the base of the thumb. Why measure both sleeve lengths? Less than 10% of men on this planet have both sleeve lengths the same. Yet, invariably we tend to measure our right sleeve length (no idea why) and go with that measurement. Wrong! Sleeve length should be measured on both arms and because ready made shirts offer only one sleeve length, if you are buying a ready made shirt, you should go with the “longer” sleeve length than the shorter sleeve length. This invariably creates a bad effect of being longer in one arm than the other, but better that than have a shorter sleeve which appears very bad.

On the other hand, if you were to go for tailored shirt from Zermatt, you will be able to get a shirt tailored to both the arm lengths precisely, giving your shirt a much better fitting look than a ready made shirt. On the other hand, if standard sizes fit you fine but you want the fabrics we carry, just email us and we will make your shirt using standard sizes.

And our tailored shirts are not any more expensive than ready made shirts form top brands. In fact, because of the volume of business we do, we are able to provide tailored shirts for about the same cost as ready made shirts from, for example, Brooks Brothers.

There are many other things to consider when you are buying a dress shirt, such as the color of the shirt, the design, fitted, non-fitted, type of placket, pocket, no pocket etc etc.  But size and sleeve length are probably the most important consideration.  So, I know that this tip in itself is inadequate.  Still, I hope that this tip will come in handy when you buy your next shirt.

Next time, we will talk about selecting a casual shirt.